Police Blotter: Famous Song Wrongly Named, Lawsuits to Follow

25 Jan

Disturbing Behavior Discovered at Little Known Fereker’s Hall

Callistoga Reporter Jane Ryan

After an anonymous tip from a local senior, Callistoga Police reported finding some of their own, some partially clad men and women of all ages, countless teens, and a number of FBI agents at the residence of Willma M. Frekers. Apparently the anonymous resident had been solicited earlier in the day to attend a Summer Ball at the Ferekers’ resident last evening. The officers who arrived on scene first reported that the loud music was disturbing the neighbors and that the screams of some of the party-goers could be heard for blocks. They described the scene as a “nightmare” but several also noted that they wish they would have been invited.

The Freekers home contained a fairly large historic ballroom or hall where most of the strange activity was being performed. It is unknown how often these events have occurred at the Fereker household, but clearly this was the first that drew this kind of attention from the law enforcement. Investigating officers also reported that there would be a very long investigation of the event and that it might take years to figure out what all had been happening. Commanding Police Chief Tom o’Malley said that he had never had so many officers volunteer to work on a case. He also said that many were offering to work for free just to be able to be a part of the investigation.


Freaker’s Ball by Dr. Hook (written by Shel Silverstein)

Well there’s gonna be a freakers ball
Tonight at the freakers hall
And you know, you’re invited one and all

Come on babies grease your lips
Grab your hats and swing your hips
Don’t forget to bring your whips
We’re going to the freakers ball

Blow your whistle and bang your gong
Roll up something to take along
It feels so good it must be wrong
We’re freakin at the freakers ball

Where all the fags and the dykes they’re boogyin’ together
The leather freaks are dressed in all kinds of leather
The greatest of the sadists and the masochists too
Screaming “Please hit me, and I’ll hit you”

The FBI are dancing with the junkies
All the straights, are swinging with the funkies
Across the floor and up the wall
We’re freakin at the freakers ball
Yall, we’re freakin at the freakers ball

Everybody’s kissing each other
Brother with sister, son with mother
Smear my body up with butter
Take me to the freakers ball

Pass that roach please and pour the wine
I’ll kiss yours if you’ll kiss mine
I’m gonna boogie till i go blind
We’re freakin at the freakers ball

White ones, black ones, yellow ones, red ones
Necrophiliacs looking for dead ones
The greatest of the sadist and the masochists too
Screaming “Please hit me, and I’ll hit you”

Everybody’s fallin’ in batches
Pyromaniacs striking matches
I’m gonna itch me where it scratches
Freaking at the freakers ball

Thanks Tom Woodward for the inspiration!


2 Responses to “Police Blotter: Famous Song Wrongly Named, Lawsuits to Follow”

  1. Tom Woodward (@twoodwar) January 26, 2012 at 1:04 am #

    That is beautiful. I’ve never heard that before and the video takes it to a whole different level. Shel Silverstein always pops up in the oddest places.

    • Todd Conaway January 26, 2012 at 2:30 am #

      After reading your post I had it in my head. I wrote the blurb in five minutes, found the lyrics and video and there ya have it. Great idea for an assignment! Thanks.

      Shel did some great writing for kids and adult kids and old kids. I am huge Dr. Hook fan and he wrote many of the songs they did.

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